When Restaurant Servers Should Intervene

On the twelfth day of September, in an early year of a decade not far removed from the present, I appeared as a guest on the Dr. Phil Show. That episode was called “Brat Ban” and focused on businesses claiming the right to bar badly behaved children from their premises. I had been invited on as the restaurant expert. When Dr. Phil suggested that a server ought to step in when a child misbehaves in a restaurant, I got on my soapbox, reached for my megaphone, and told him he was completely wrong.

Screaming children

Disciplining another person’s children is not a server’s responsibility. A diner troubled by the piercing shrieks of a nearby child unhappy about their chicken nuggies may expect their server to sort it out. I believe that diner should speak to the parents or request a manager instead. No server wants to risk upsetting the person whose tip they depend on. Dr. Phil disagreed with me, as did much of his audience. I still stand by my position. In fact, I do not think I have agreed with anything Dr. Phil has said or done since.

Couples arguing

A server must tread carefully when deciding whether to involve themselves in a private matter unfolding in front of them. When a couple are arguing, the server’s role is to bring the food, not act as a mediator. But what happens if the dispute becomes abusive, or children are present? If it appears that someone may be in danger, intervention is appropriate, though I would always ask a manager to take charge. Most servers regard entering a situation like that as beyond their minimum-wage pay grade.

Medical emergencies

A medical emergency is another circumstance in which a server may feel compelled to help. If a customer is choking and the server knows how to perform the Heimlich manoeuvre, that may be the moment to get involved. I once worked in a restaurant where a man started choking and his server quite literally saved his life. He was extremely thankful, although everyone was somewhat surprised when he left the standard 15-percent tip. In today’s litigious society, a server may hesitate to act in that situation, so if a piece of gristle is blocking your trachea, turn to your dinner companions rather than the people serving you.

Drunk guests

The one situation in which I believe a server should definitely intervene is where alcohol is concerned. Restaurants may be held liable for over-serving a customer, and if that customer is later involved in an alcohol-related accident, some responsibility may fall on the person who delivered the drinks to their table. Here, the server should always choose the responsible course of action. People who have had too much to drink generally do not want to hear that they cannot have another drink, which makes matters difficult. A server must notify their manager and take whatever steps are necessary to ensure that customer does not harm themselves or anybody else.

A restaurant can lose its liquor licence when someone drinks too many Margaritas, so no server should hesitate to intervene when the stakes are that high. Some states even require servers and bartenders to attend annual training so they can identify someone who may be drinking excessively. Restaurants treat this matter seriously, and if they decide to intervene, they mean it.

For the most part, servers should focus on why they are there: serving food and creating an enjoyable dining experience. If you are in a restaurant and think a server should step in to handle something outside their role, ask the manager to do it. And if you are the person with the screaming child everyone is complaining about, then, in the words of Dr. Phil, “How's that workin’ for ya?”

More awkward situations

• 5 Things to Do When Another Diner Is Being Too Loud
• How to Deal With Friends and Family Who Are Bad Tippers
• There's a Right Way and a Wrong Way to Dine Out With Kids